Parent Diaries

I said to my boyfriend, ‘No way I’m getting rid of these babies, I have to see this through’...

When I turned 16, I found out that I was pregnant...

It was the last day of school. I think I may have had an infection, but I was very ill, and I miscarried later that day.

Cape Town, South Africa

The weekend I found out, my parents were away with my younger sister for an ice skating competition in Johannesburg. I remember doing the pregnancy test. My boyfriend and I were so scared. I was a bit young to actually fathom what had happened, to be honest.  We didn't know what to do. We asked a friend’s sister, who worked at the hospital, to do an ultrasound. And she told us they were twins. Then it really sunk in. I said to my boyfriend, ‘No way I’m getting rid of these babies, I have to see this through’.

My parents came back from Johannesburg at the end of that weekend, and we didn't even let them unpack their bags. We sat down and made the announcement. My mom cried, and my dad said nothing. He just got up and walked out of the room. I was the eldest daughter. It wasn't a very happy time.

Once the initial shock was over, they were quite supportive. They gave us options. Did we want to get married or not? Did I want to carry on studying or not?

Fast forward to October of that year, we got married. We wanted to get married, we were in love and we were serious. We moved in with his parents and I finished the academic year at school.

It was the last day of school. I think I may have had an infection, but I was very ill, and I miscarried later that day. I don't really remember much except hearing the doctor say that my 16 year old petite body wasn’t ready for the pressure of carrying twin babies. I also remember that they weren't identical twins and they were in two different sacs.

My thoughts on the day it happened? I was so young. It didn't actually phase me when I was actually in hospital. However, when I got home to my mother in law’s house and was overcome with emotion and crying, only then did it hit home, and my whole attitude to life changed. I grew up pretty quickly from that point on.

We’d been married for two years, when I fell pregnant again at 18. I wasn't really attached to this child growing inside of me and I didn't connect and bond during the 9 months of carrying him. Subconsciously I think my mind was preparing my heart for the worst again.  But when he (Aashiq) was born, I became a different person.  I bonded immediately with him and wouldn't let him out of my sight. I was very over-protective. I was also overwhelmed with the whole thing. I read extensively, every book that was out there, I read it. I did so much research, I felt that I had to educate myself on absolutely everything, so that I wouldn't miss a single thing about this journey that I was on.

I was juggling between college and the baby. We had help with the family. My mother in law is and was amazing. She still is, and will move mountains for my kids. Yeah, kids - I had my second son, Riyaald in 2004. My life then revolved utterly and completely around my children from then on.”