Warning, this post contains details of suicidal thoughts, anxiety, PTSD, and depression that some might find upsetting.
Mark Williams BCAh FRSA is a keynote speaker, author, and international mental health campaigner who lives in the UK, and this is his story in his own words.
"In 2004, I suffered my first ever panic attack at thirty years of age and I didn't have a clue what was happening to me. It was the day my son was born. My wife Michelle was taken to the theatre for an emergency C-section, and I honestly thought she was going to die. I was terrified.
During this period, I experienced nightmares about Michelle and Ethan dying in the theatre. I would wake up thinking it was real. Sadly, Michelle went on to develop severe postnatal depression and PTSD - an anxiety disorder caused by very stressful, frightening, or distressing events, and my world changed forever.
I was never asked about my mental health after the birth of my son like so many other fathers today, and I'd never known anyone with the illness and was so uneducated about mental health that I used to wonder: 'How can people be depressed?'.
Within weeks of Michelle's diagnosis, I had to give up my job to care for her and Ethan. She was so unwell and was in crisis. There were no specialist perinatal mental health services back then.
Back then people used to say: 'How can mothers be depressed; they've just had a new baby?!' so only close family members knew what was going on in our lives due to the stigma and lack of education.
I had loved the social side of my job and once that was gone, I was totally isolated.
Sometimes I wouldn't get out the front door for days. Within months, my personality changed, and I was drinking in an attempt to cope.
I became angry. It got to the point where, if I did manage to get out with friends, I wanted to fight the doorman. I had this strange need to get hurt to try and stop what I was feeling and the thoughts that were going through my head. It was another way of self-harming.
I began to have uncontrollable suicidal thoughts but never acted on them. At the time, I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. I was raised in a working-class community where my father and grandfather were coal miners.
Growing up, we looked up to 'hard men' who didn't show their emotions and now I was feeling emotional - and I was feeling weak. I kept telling myself I just had to 'man up' and everything would be okay.
After five years of suffering in silence since my son was born, losing my grandfather and my mother getting diagnosed with cancer just weeks apart, my mental health got worse. My mum is fine now, but I had not dealt with things in previous years, and it all became overwhelming.
One day, whilst sitting in my car before walking into work, I had a complete breakdown, or a breakthrough as I tend to call it now. I literally couldn't get out of the car. I was shaking, crying and suicidal thoughts were racing through my mind.
After going through community mental health teams, I was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression.
This was the start of my journey to campaign.
